Mothers and fathers can often get caught up in parenthood, forgetting to prioritize their own mental health.
A new book by psychiatrist and author Dr. Samra Zafar explains why taking time to prioritize yourself is a necessity.
“Self care is not selfish, but it’s important to understand where that feeling comes from or where that belief comes from,” said Zafar, during an interview on CTV Atlantic Morning Live on Wednesday.
“As women especially, we are encouraged from such young ages to take care of others. We are the nurturers, we are the caregivers, we are surrounded by messages that we should take care of others. We are empathetic, we are caring, which are all very good things. However, what we often times don’t realize and don’t internalize is that kindness for others does not mean and should not mean unkindness towards ourselves.”
Zafar says many people feel guilty due to the belief it’s their job to put others first and take care of them.
“So, we always keep putting ourselves on the back burner and that eventually leads to much higher costs down the road,” she said.
Zafar’s book, called “Unconditional,” explains why self care is so important for one’s mental health. It shares advice for women on how to let go of “mom guilt.”
She says the first step is to realize where that guilt comes from.
“And then, once you realize that, that gives you the power to make that choice. So, whenever we feel those difficult emotions, like guilt or shame, or fear, or imposter syndrome, which are very natural emotions given how we’re raised as women and the society structures we’re surrounded by, it’s important to know that where do those feelings come from. What is the birthplace of it?” said Zafar.
“It’s actually because of the messages we’re surrounded by. So, now that we know that, it gives us the power of choice. So, now I can choose on a conscious level, ‘Am I going to give into this feeling because I know it’s coming from these faulty messages, or I am going to sit with it … but I am still going to take care of myself.’”
One of the chapters in Zafar’s book is called “Superwoman syndrome,” – a situation many parents fall into, which can easily lead to burnout.
Zafar says some of the signs for someone approaching burnout include:
- increased irritability
- sense of detachment
- less joy in things you normally find joy in
- start feeling numb
- sleep or appetite changes
She says it’s important to regularly check in with yourself and feel the emotions currently circulating your body.
“Self care is not a luxury or an indulgence. It is a necessity. It’s not selfish. It’s actually smart. And talk to yourself like you would talk to your loved one,” said Zafar.
Zafar’s book is available online and in bookstores.
