Do you spend too much time on social media? Is it interfering with other parts of your life? New research suggests what could be driving your behavior. Individuals who are anxious about relationships with other people and try to avoid them — an attachment style researchers call fearful — are most likely to use social media problematically, meaning it interferes with your functioning at work or school. People who are fearful about relationships might turn to social media to avoid having to interact with other people, said lead study author Dr. Chris Bjornsen, professor of psychology at Longwood University in Farmville, Virginia. Conversely, those who are secure in their relationships have the lowest level of problematic social media use. And people who avoid attachments with others have the next lowest levels of problematic social media use, according to the study, published Wednesday in the journal PLOS One and involving 555 Americans ages 18 to 79. The study associated different attachment styles with different levels of problematic social media use but didn’t prove that certain styles caused the problem, Bjornsen said. Ask yourself this To figure out whether you’re using social media problematically, ask yourself whether you’re performing at the level you want at work or school, Bjornsen suggested. If not, then ask yourself whether it’s because social media is interfering. Another sign is if you can’t stick to a period of time when you try not to use social media, or if you feel anxious, depressed, jittery or agitated without it, he said. Whether your social ties with friends and family are strong is another factor in your relationship to social media. “Most of my students nowadays clearly will say, and own up to the fact, that they don’t know how to talk to each other in real life,” he said. Parents have a role in making sure young adults know what quality relationships are, and they should mainly take place offline because those tend to be less superficial, Bjornsen said. Relationships 101 Attachment styles form early. If you didn’t have people you could trust growing up, you may need to develop social skills as an adult. Nurturing relationships is “a skill we learn, and it’s modeled for us as children. We’re not born with that,” said Kimberly Solo, a Medfield, Massachusetts-based therapist who runs She Breaks Free, a community for women in relationships with controlling people, on the platform Mighty. Solo was not involved with the new research. Consider what you do to push people away, she said. Do you wait a couple of days before responding to texts or reply with one-sentence answers? “Awareness is the first step,” Solo said. But it’s also important to give yourself goals, such as learning how to strike up a conversation. “A lot of people like to talk about themselves, so if you don’t know what to say, ask someone three questions about themselves,” Solo said. It can often feel intimidating to join groups in order to meet new people, she added. So try doing something you’re already good at — say, pottery class — so you feel confident. Then you’ll likely meet people organically. If you still need help forming healthy relationships, consider seeking a licensed mental health provider. Breaking from social media If your social media use is problematic, Bjornsen suggests you consider dropping it altogether. Many of the people I’ve spoken to for my research tell me deleting social media apps from their phones seems unthinkable at first, but they quickly grow to love it. Going offline frees up time for other things that make us truly happy — like moving our bodies, getting outside, helping others, and spending face-to-face time with family and friends. If you can’t give up social media entirely, try dramatically curbing your use, Bjornsen said. And see how you feel. Hopefully, with improved face-to-face relationships, you’ll have less time and desire to use social media anyway. This research suggests the root causes of a lot of people’s problematic social media use could be offline — so that’s where we need to go to solve the problem.
